I hate being sick. Some people hate it because they don’t feel well. I hate it because I literally have to watch my time go into a swirling black abyss, never to be seen again. Being ill, I believe, is the most inefficient use of my time.
I could have gone to class today. Instead, I puked up a bunch of Advil. I could have finished painting Caroline’s room. Instead, I curled up in a ball on the couch and imagined my headache had gone away. Twas nice imaginings.
The worst part about whatever virus I’ve contracted is I can’t properly focus on words. I can’t read, I do not want to see any light, and trying to read anything makes me feel nauseous. It BLOWS.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Kaia, you are procrastinating. If you were really that sick and unable to look at words on a page, you wouldn’t be able to blog.” If you were to say that to me in real life, I’d tell you you were wrong.
You see I am, despite my aches and pains, feeling mentally pretty good right now. I have thwarted this sickness in a very meaningful way. Lately I have been working on my typing skills. I am finally to the point that I can type without needing to see my fingers for the most part, and I can, with some confidence, type without looking at the screen, either. So, I have turned the screen on my laptop off, closed my eyes, and gone to town writing this post in the relative darkness of my living room. Of course I will have some editing to do on the back end, but tis a small price to pay.
If I could write my virus a letter right now, it would go something like this:
I am tired of you and your antics. As you can see, your wreaking havoc on my organs is having blessed little effect on the more important things: my ego and my intellect. Once I feel well enough to swallow again, you best know I shall be recommencing battle sequences. I will be eating some crackers, followed by a dose of Advil washed down with Emergen-C. If I’m still feeling well after fifteen more minutes, I intend to take several doses of oregano oil, thereby making my blood a much less welcoming environment to your nasty self.
Once this is all over with, which I assure you will be much sooner than you had bargained for, I vow to do everything in my power not to let you or any of your mutated siblings mess up my life again. I’m going to stay relaxed about things, I’m going to go to the gym, and I am going to eat fewer Reese’s Puffs. While they are tasty, they have little nutritional value, and are not a good breakfast choice for champions like me.
Anyways, I hope you understand that things are about to get very uncomfortable for you, and that you act accordingly (by leaving).
Burn in hell,
PS- Say hello to your parents for me. I hear they are disappointed in your relative weakness and lack of staying power.